


what do you mean to me?

by contatationes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood, Canon Related, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Hange spelled like Hanji, M/M, Original Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Pre-Canon, Sad Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Slow Burn, confused lady, first fic, levi's a little mad but its okay, mainly for me, pls bare with me, they try to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-06-30 12:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19852825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/contatationes/pseuds/contatationes
Summary: Levi figures out how to deal with being shoved into the Survey Corps after Isabel and Farlan die.He seems to fit in with the other oddballs.





	1. Chapter 1

Light poured throughout the area once the brigade arrived from the outside of the walls. Coats and capes were dampened from the most recent expedition, where rain decided to take its toll and wipe out dozens of soldiers, who were blind to large and grabby titan hands.

Of course, the only people Levi truly cared for had succumbed to this as well. With this luck, he’d assume anyone who attempted to get near him would most likely be crushed by it. It was an undeniable feat, and the walls around him grew thicker. 

His decision was wrong. The pride that swelled with in the three of them took toll, and they suffered the consequences. Levi should not have left them on their own.

It seemed the horse sensed his loneliness, her voice whinnying as he pulled on the reigns. The stone gate began to make its way up, and he could feel a too familiar pair of glasses creating holes in the back of his head. Levi wondered who else had been staring, after seeing his god-mode epidemic. 

Also, as the one who raised his sword to one of the most respected men in the Corps. Erwin, who lured him and his friends into what was really happening outside of their small world. 

It was true, the blondie provided an opportunity; it was either death, torture, or whatever this was. Eliminating titans for the sake of “humanity”. For all he’s seen, humanity was not worth it. Provided their never-ending greed and wants. He just wants to survive.

But seeing the world from a new perspective was an eye-opener. The true nature of outside the walls lulled him, the stench that came from inside were covered with a new scent of flowers, blowing winds, fresh grass, and never-ending land.

Levi was somewhat grateful, but the current emotions did not let him think that way. Boiled up anger, blood caked under his fingernails, a glint in his pale eyes that would definitely scar anyone around him. 

“Squad Leader Erwin!” A voice called; the raven kept his head straight but looked with his eyes.

Sitting on top of a white steed sat the man, a straight posture but obviously feeling anything but proud. Thick eyebrows remained knitted when spoken to, discussing private matters in a quieter tone than the scout introduced with.

Suddenly nauseous, the shorter male looked straight ahead as the scouts made their way back to the barracks in shambles. Many were injured, and not even half of the corps made their way back home from the mission. Losing their lives and seemingly accomplishing nothing.

The Commander was most responsible for this. Even though most of his heart was blaming that damn blonde for his secrets, Shadis obviously took the most heat from everyone else. 

What made it turn into such a shithole? Why was the communication across squads so damn complicated? 

A shiver ran down his back as he hopped off his horse, escorting it into the stables. Many others were doing the same. 

“Levi!” Exclaimed Hanji, their voice racking through his tired brain. “I’m… I’m impressed! Those moves, so wicked! That titan didn’t stand a chance against you!” Hanji was too vibrant, overwhelming. All of a sudden their attitude changed like the snap of one’s fingers, and they wore a frown. “If only you were able to make it there sooner....” A sigh. “So many comrades lost today.”

“Yeah…” Is all he could respond with, his mind too focused on trying to get the dried blood off of his skin. He wondered who it belonged to, if it was even his.

Without another notice, the shorter male turned on his foot and walked away. Hanji called after him, but he walked faster back to the showers, hoping nobody else resided there.

+

A black long-sleeved shirt and pants, and he was ready for the night. Lights were out around ten, but sleepless nights were all he ever knew. Having done this before already, Levi snuck from the barracks out into the halls, curiously examining the place as a somewhat new recruit. 

There were certain rooms and offices he had no idea what was inside. Levi wondered if anyone else was doing the same, but they were most likely not as paranoid as he was. He figured getting caught would lead to extra training, but he didn’t mind it.

Walking down, he looked into the cracks of the doors, seeing that all lights were pretty much out. It being around two AM, it was reasonable.

Except for the fact that he saw the door by the end of the hall, lit up underneath and on the side, like a candle was lit in there.

Curiosity killed the cat, but it sure as hell would have a hard time killing Levi. He noticed that the door was cracked, pale eyes observing the entrance. A carpet and a bookshelf was all he could catch a glimpse of. He didn’t hear any conversation...

“It is a little strange to have someone stop by so late,” The god awful smooth tone of Erwin Smith’s voice rang, and the door grew wider to reveal a much taller figure, who did not look any different than he had earlier today, other than the clothes he wore. That stupid blonde hair remained perfectly slicked back and he wore a dumb surprised look on his face. “But I don’t believe you purposefully meant to find me, either.” 

Levi’s thin brows furrowed some, and he crossed his arms in the doorway.

“Who knows? Maybe I went looking to kill you while you slept.”

“I would not doubt that.”

An awkward silence filled the space between them; Levi stared confused into those bright blue eyes. His jaw clenched in an effort to not say anything offensive. He was going to tell this bastard to fuck off, get back to work already, or fucking sleep, something. 

But by then Erwin was already inviting him in for tea.

“I’ve recently been able to acquire a decent quality black tea, it may help the nerves.” A cup of hot tea sounded good about now, but his doubts were coming into mind. It was late, he should not have been snooping. With the business of their daily schedules, he wondered if that was the reason for the invitation. He hoped it wasn't for anything weird.

“And if I get caught for curfew?” Levi raised an eyebrow, “wait… or are you too buddy-buddy with Shitty Shadis?” 

“I am a high ranking officer, Levi. I do not get to choose who I like and dislike.”

“But you /do/ choose who’s ass you get to kiss.”

A chuckle was heard on the other end, but Levi kept his cool and stoic expression. A little longer and someone would know what was going on. Levi unfolded his arms, taking a good look at that half-smile before staring down the dark abyss of the hallway. "That is not true, but you can think how you like. Maybe I'll let you know one day."

Levi scoffed, “I’ll get going. Excuse my intrusion, Squad Leader.” 

The shorter male left without a proper goodbye, and left Erwin standing in the doorway. Soon enough, Levi heard the sound of the office door closing once again, and he made his way back to the barracks. 

Maybe he could stare at the back of his eyelids for a few hours.


	2. in the works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to shift and change within the Corps, and Levi isn’t sure how to handle it.

When the sun finally began to rise, early birds chirped throughout the barracks. The tingling in Levi’s hands became less prominent when the first to rise from sleep; fresh memories from the previous day becoming more vivid at night. He wondered how many days it would be before he could sleep tiredly. 

Then again, when was the last time that ever was?

The uniform was always a pain in the ass, but after so many days it became second nature. Tugging on his jacket, shoes, and cravat, someone stirred beside him. The only reason he truly noticed is that he was mumbling in his sleep, non-coherent words slipping out of his mouth. Must have been dreaming about something. 

Levi rolled his eyes, many soldiers would be waking up soon.

Before that could happen, he went to freshen up. Standing in the bathrooms, which he noted needed to be thoroughly cleaned, he looked in the mirror after brushing his hair and teeth. His hair was getting a bit too long in the front for his liking, but his ivory skin remained alright, surprisingly. Under his eyes lied slight dark circles, obvious from the lack of true sleep.

Maybe exercise would help him out.

Taking in a breath, he headed to the mess hall. Hopefully, he would manage to get something light and head down to the training grounds. Right now, he was not in a mood to try and get anything from anybody. Having to associate with other people in the mood he was currently in would cause him trouble.

“Good morning.” 

Levi thought he felt some sort of taller presence around, listening as slow strides of boots caught up with his pace. Glancing to his side was the other tall blonde he’d also rather not talk to. Especially since his face was rubbed in filth due to him. He was sure the man was in the same squad as Erwin as well.

“Morning,” Levi mumbled back, not bothering to look at him, eyes straight forward.

“Due to the loss of soldiers, we’ll be getting more and deciding where they go,” Mike wasn’t very talkative either, and he seemed to have no interest other than relaying information. “You’ll be tossed around in the process.” 

“So everything is jumbled as shit now? Think you should get your superiors in check.” Levi glared, “then again, I doubt the Commander will last another minute.”

A grunt in response is all he got. Due to the lack of reciprocation, Levi assumes someone is stirring up something. A lesson he has learned from being in the Scouts is that things change pretty damn quick, no matter if you’re prepared for it or not.

Eventually he reaches the mess hall, and Mike was now nowhere to be seen. A jumble of soldiers sat along tables, and Levi sighs miserably. 

He still manages to scrape by, grabbing what was easy to eat, making his way towards the grounds. The other trainees would be there, but it was better than having nothing else to do.

If he could, he'd clean, but then there would be no punishments to give, and he’d get shit on by the higher ranks.

Rubbing his hands together and finding a decent spot, he dropped to the floor and began doing push-ups. 

The coarse dirt pressed against the palms of his hands, blank piercing eyes staring along the wilting grass. 

He needed to be even stronger.

It was about thirty minutes of training until all squads were called to formation. Lines of soldiers, including himself, held rest parade stance observing the stand. 

There lied Commander Shadis, relaying the same form with a strict face. 

“Improvement in training has increased tremendously within this regiment. With continuous hard work, our goals will be reached in physical fitness. Keep up the good work, soldiers.” Keith finished with a strong salute, and all other soldiers followed in suit. 

Dismissed, each soldier had a short amount of liberty time before heading off to the mess hall for lunch. Levi had hardly realized how quickly time was beginning to pass, his pale eyes observing the wind as it carefully blew against the trees of the forest. 

“You look distracted!” a bob of brown hair came to his vision, then an obnoxious hand waving in front of his face. “Helloo~? Levi? Are you in there?”

“Shut it,” He mumbled, smacking the hand in his face off to the side. Now that he thought about it, this mumbling mess might know something about what Mike said to him earlier.

“Hanji. Tell me, what’s happening in the higher ranks?” The raven started seriously, his voice hushed near the other recruits.

“What do you mean? I know as much as you do, heh.” They rubbed the back of their neck, looking off to the side. A hand suddenly gripping and pulling at their collar forced them to look at the shorter male, brown eyes forced to meet fierce blue ones.

“You’re a damn squad leader. You know more than I do. So spit it out.” Levi narrowed his smaller eyes, and Hanji’s hands flew up in a surrendering position.

“I swear, I really don’t know much… Other than the fact we’re getting new troops! Levi… are you okay? You seem a little off and nervous... or are you always this way?” 

Gripping hands let go. He was quick to turn direction, find somewhere else to go, somewhere other than here, under the clouds. 

+

“You understand the dangers of miscommunication now, correct?” A troubled Erwin questioned, sitting rather uncomfortably in the meeting room of squad leaders and their commander.

He opened his mouth to try and prove his strategies, but the seemingly regretful Shadis raised a hand to stop him.

“I understand the complications of the last mission,” His rough voice was unamusing to listen to. 

Blue eyed glanced to Hanji’s furrowed eyebrows, they were holding back as well. The topic of improving was always difficult when it came down to Shadis’ close-minded interpretation. Now timid, the regiment's lead started to stare at the oak table. 

The atmosphere was heavier than it usually was. Expectations were being refused, and nobody was happy with the outcome.

“Unable to fill the needs of this regiment, I will be resigning.” 

All eyes remained on him. 

“You won’t be staying in the Survey Corps?” Hanji spoke up, seriousness in their eyes. 

“No.”

The answer was short and simple. No further questions asked, everyone knew what this meant, and how it was coming for a long time. There had been rumors and mentions of it, but they could only assume Erwin and Shadis were talking one on one.

“Erwin Smith, you will be taking my place, as you should already know. There will be a ceremony soon. This regimen will thrive with a strong mind behind it.”

“Coward,” Hanji muttered to themselves, inaudible and lost, knowing damn well Shadis was too weak to handle the position. Too close-minded, unable to open up to new opportunities and ideas.

Especially when anything was useful at this point.

Wearing a stern expression, Erwin stood from his spot, and Keith remained with a blank look on his tired features.

“I take the position will full responsibility. If anyone has anyone has any issues against this decision, I would say it here or with me personally later on.” 

Bright eyes shined with determined possibility, the room quiet. Little to none in the room inquired about the reason for the tall-standing blonde’s promotion, it was well deserved on his end. Countless lives, if they were lucky and had been placed on Erwin’s squad, survived with little to no injuries.

Though, not all were happy with this decision. Few showed it with their reaction, disgruntled looks to shuffling feet. He knew what they were thinking; how could someone who spent so much time on strays, just to have two of them killed and the other disobedient, become Commander? How would he be able to handle new things like funds, nobles or liability?

Shadis cleared his throat in the lack of response and began addressing the implementation of new soldiers. 

“In a few days, Smith’s ceremony will occur. Within the week soldiers from the cadet training will join our regiment. Regarding this, he and I will decide where they will be going.” 

A few more concerns regarding training were questioned before the meeting came to an end.

Shuffling of chairs and quiet voices talking among each other fluttered against Erwin’s ears; he stood himself and prepared to leave the room like everyone else. 

Already he seemed to emit a commanding presence, dreams piled behind the fire. He had to begin preparing developments for the Scouts.

The slight pull on his jacket from behind signaled his cue to stay, as the squad leaders and Shadis finished piling out of the room. Turning around to face the one who stopped him from leaving, he stared into blinking brown eyes.

Hanji crossed their arms, eyebrows up in a concerned expression.

“You know, Erwin. I know you’re doing this for humanity's sake, but are you okay with it? I-I mean, don’t take it as an insult! Think of it as coming from a worried friend.”

There was a soft smile on Erwin’s face, a thick fire burning in his eyes.

“In this world, one has to do something to get somewhere. This is what I want, Hanji. It is the only way we will find out the truth. My personal opinion on this matter is not the focus.”

Hanji puffed out a cheek, unable to disagree with their friend’s confident words. He’s always been able to deliver selfless a response.

“I guess so… but don’t get too carried away with it, okay?” Hanji let on a soft look, as they cared for their friend, “Don’t let us down, Commander.” 

They swiftly exited and chose to busy their mind to the subject of their titans rather than politics, leaving Erwin to himself within the empty conference room. Unable to stand still with so many thoughts, the blonde walked out into the hall, making his way down the empty barracks. 

Most soldiers were training outdoors and weren’t informed of the situation yet.

Then again, the ceremony had not happened either. He would have to think about it later because now there were many more important issues at hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is like, one of my first fics, so I don't really know what I'm doing. Like the tag says I'm mainly writing for my own pleasures but! You're free to read! Also, this will be pretty slow burn, I want to try and drag things out for once. 
> 
> I know it's kinda short right now. I'll hopefully get into the groove soon,,, :s
> 
> Thank ya for readin'.
> 
> -M


End file.
